Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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