Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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