just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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