She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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