I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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