im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
