Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize