my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
