Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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