I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
