Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
