11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
