Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
