id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
