Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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