I cockslap morals
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
