I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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