yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
