Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
