I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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