: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize