i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
