yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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