The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
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he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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