Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
