Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
