Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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