I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
