My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Panties = found
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