I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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