So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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