Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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