I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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