he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
