dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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