It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
