Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
