Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
