you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
