I can tuck mytits in my pants
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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