The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
