If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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