I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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