Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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