If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
