Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
