just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
