my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
