So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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