just come out here and I will go home with you...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
