If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
