you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
