thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Mom said you looked used
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
