batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina