I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!