Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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