glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure