the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
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scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it