end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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