Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.