And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.