Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
