Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.