its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
