Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
