hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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