whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
