yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
