I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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