I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
