I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
