He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
