If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
