We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
