I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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