i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
40s are totally the cure
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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