I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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