we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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