Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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