I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
