I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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