Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so much tequila, so little girl.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
