I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
