I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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