I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
