My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
