your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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