then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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