I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
