I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
