We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
