I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
