Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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