he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Will exercising make me less horny?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
