ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
