Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
