dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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