Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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