dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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